OMAR Single Malt Sherry Cask

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 12 Apr 2016


This evening’s whisky is a very interesting one. Apparently other than KAVALAN, there is another Taiwanese Whisky that has been winning international awards. It is the OMAR single malt whisky by the TTL Nantou Distillery. From the name of the distillery you know that this malt is distilled in Nantou. Situated in central Taiwan, it is the only landlocked county in the country. 

TTL stands for Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Corporation. It is the successor of the Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Bureau; which was then preceded by the Monopoly Bureau founded in 1901 by the Japanese empire when Taiwan was a part of it. By now you might have already guessed that the TTL had its roots in bureaucracy and was the only organisation producing and distributing ciggies and booze in Taiwan. This had been so for 100 years until the government monopoly of tobacco and alcohol ended in 2002. The KAVALAN distillery was completed in 2005; it is all starting to make sense now doesn’t it? The fact that now Taiwan is becoming a known whisky producer also goes to show how capitalism, and privatisation can improve service and product quality eh?
Although the TTL was privatised as a corporation in 2002 when the government freed up the liquor industry, you can smell traces of Taiwanese bureaucracy EVERYWHERE. Not to be vain or anything, but the naming of the whisky, the packaging of it, looks of the distillery, the lack of marketing for it, the overall branding of this malt just screams second-class business management. In all these aspects OMAR just isn’t on par with what the King Car Corporation has done for KAVALAN. What does OMAR even mean? It certainly does not sound Taiwanese. It may mean something, but the fact that I cannot find reasons why it is named OMAR on TTL’s website or anywhere else makes the name meaningless. Its packaging looks pretend-American and lacks character. The image of the distillery is on the whisky’s packaging which looks fine until you see photos of the actual cask-shaped building. It looks like a cheap plastic structure you find at a 3rd tier amusement park. The product just has no story, or the TTL just doesn’t bother trying to present it to the public. You cannot find anything about the malt, not on its packaging, not on TTL’s official websites, just videos here and there and they are not even official videos from the TTL! Just clips and interviews by Taiwanese television shows and film studios. I think the fact that whiskies take so long to make, and the fact that they should express the characteristics of the land their distilleries are surrounded by, their stories should be told, because it is part of the whisky enjoyment experience.
Having said all these, it is an “Outstanding” 2015 IWSC Silver Quality award-winning whisky. Let’s hope the whisky itself can make up for the bad business being run by the TTL.

Glenmorangie Original (格蘭傑經典)

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 7 Apr 2016

聽到格蘭傑這個名字不管是專家還是像我這種外行威士忌愛好者都一定非常耳熟，因為它是一家喻戶曉的威士忌酒廠，是一個到處都可以看到的一款單一純麥。格蘭傑的蒸餾廠位於北高地的泰恩鎮，屬於高地產區的威士忌。 過去好幾十年格蘭傑負責製造的員工數都控制在16名作業員，這16人被稱為“泰恩16男”，而且他們一整年除了聖誕節及設備保養期間都沒有休息。但是2008後因為產量的擴充這16人數被增加到24人，這些作業員現在則被稱為“泰恩的男人”。 格蘭傑的酒廠也擁有全蘇格蘭最高的蒸餾器，大約八公尺高，而格蘭傑說這麼高的蒸餾器可以讓格蘭傑的酒體格外輕盈。熟成的過程只要是格蘭傑的酒都一定有睡過格蘭傑自製的美國白橡桶。格蘭傑在美國的米澤里州擁有自己的森林，他們會製作橡木桶然後租借給Jack Daniel’s及Heaven Hill酒廠讓他們熟成波本酒至少四年，然後再拿這些白橡木波本桶回蘇格蘭給自己的威士忌做熟成。格蘭傑經典十年的熟成都完全是在這些波本桶裡面熟成的。

Suntory Kakubin Black 43° vs Johnnie Walker Black Label

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 01 Mar 2016

In Japan, people who are not fans of beers or sours, but still enjoy a few drinks with their buddies, tend to go for highballs when at the Izakaya with their friends. A highball is a whisky cocktail. It is whisky mixed with carbonated water. However, there are many variations. For example, you can mix ginger ale with whiskey which is ginger-high, Oolong tea mixed with whisky to get oolong-high, brown sugar carbonated water mixed with whisky to get Koku-high, or black-high.

One of the most notable choice of whisky for mixing highballs is the Suntory Kakubin blended whisky. A Kakubin Highball is referred to as Kaku-High. Since I have a “Black 43°” version of the Suntory Kakubin, I thought I’d drink it straight and write a review on it.

Then I thought, such a review just wouldn’t be interesting enough. Why not pit the Suntory black kakubin against the world-dominating blended whisky, the Johnnie Walker Black Label?

The Johnnie Walker Black Label is an iconic blend which helped the brand to become the Darth Sidious of the whisky universe. It is one of the best-selling scotch in the world today. Many whisky-lovers believe that the Johnnie Walker Black Label is too premium to be a mixer base, and that it should be enjoyed neat. However, since the Suntory Kakubin Black 43° is two up from the standard Kakubin and one up from the White Kakubin bottles, maybe similar to how Black Label is one up from the Johnnie Walker Red Label, I thought it would still be fair to line the two black-labeled blended whiskies up against each other.

This is Suntory vs Johnnie Walker, East vs. West, the Emperor of Japan vs the Emperor of THE Empire. I’ll have them neat, not mixed, and see how they fair against each other.

Colour: 

Both of yellow whisky colour with the Johnnie Walker Black Label just a tad bit darker.

Nose:

Kakubin Black 43° - Alcohol, not much else. Very very very faint fruitiness in the back, raisin.

Johnnie Walker Black Label- Horrible scent. It is the THE whisky smell I hated before I became a whisky connoisseur. It is the smell of the poison I put in ginger ale to consume with my highschool friends in order to fit in. When I smell this I can almost get what I got from the Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve but then before I get there I get stopped by this coarse wall built by bricks of grossness; bringing back very unpleasant decade old high school memories. Some of these memories consist of me puking through my mouth as I struggle to get home after parties at my friends’. What is that grotesque element that I despise? Is it licorice?

Palate:

Kakubin Black 43° - Gentle, vanilla, and very fruity. It is a sweet piece. Definitely packs more taste to it than its scent. There is definitely malts that had been finished in sherry or port casks. It can in my opinion, actually pass as a bearable low price-range single malt. It can do fine by itself, just fine.

Johnnie Walker Black Label- Taste is much better than it smells. However, as the dried fruits are just getting out of their doors to say hello to me they get quickly slapped by the grossness that gives me the about-to-barf sensation near my diaphragm. There is some nice whisky smokiness in the finish but then again the bad taste is just way too distracting for me. I think again that the demon of distraction is the bastard child of licorices and maybe chenpi- dried tangerine peel- gosh I hate both these blasphemous things. Johnnie walker says this is a blend that consists of various elements of fruits, sweet smoke and gentle peatiness… well I say why don’t you just get a proper single malt to enjoy each of those flavours whole-heartedly? Such monster blend consisting of 40 different malts is just a very distracting bottle and I don’t get why it is so revered. Maybe contrary to what some scotch lover say, it really is meant for cocktails and the mixing with sodas, but I really don’t understand how people can enjoy whisky by mixing it with sodas… anyway, that is a different world I do not live in.

Verdict: Do I need to say more? I enjoy whiskies, not whisky cocktails or whisky mixes… so why am I even writing this piece? My verdict is, you can enjoy the Suntory Kakubin neat, but not the Johnnie Walker Black Label. At least that is what my body tells me, very strongly.

Bruichladdich Islay Barley 2009 （布萊迪艾雷島大麥2009）

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 23 Feb 2016

布萊迪艾雷島大麥2009是位於艾雷島中部海岸的布萊迪蒸溜所推出的一支非泥煤煙燻的單一純麥。這支酒的重點比較不在於它的蒸餾過程，透過這款單一純麥，布萊迪是要將某一年份的農作物原料以及當年的氣候以及地勢環境呈現於最後成品的享用體驗裡，從這個角度來看，它的的概念比較接近釀造葡萄酒的理念。布萊迪艾雷島大麥2009用的是2008年收割的大麥，來源是四個位於艾雷島中央的大麥農戶，大麥的品種為英國的“酒館老闆”以及“津橋”種。

這是在威士忌界裡面非常新的一個概念。通常威士忌蒸餾廠會著重於他們製程的一致性以及他們保留原味，也就是自己維持自己酒廠特別味道的一致性的功力。但是在葡萄酒的世界裡，年份、環境及葡萄的品種才能夠主宰一支葡萄酒的價值。而特定年份的酒的味道呈現出來之後以後就不會再有一樣的味道了，這才是標榜年份風土條件的酒的價值所在。布萊迪想要將這種觀念導入威士忌的世界裡，推出了這些年份酒... 至於是否真的能夠釀成一波威士忌革命，我們還是得拭目以待了。

KAVALAN Concertmaster Single Malt Whisky

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 16 Feb 2016

The first post of 2016 on the Ruey Review is on the King Car Distillery in Yilan, Taiwan. It is a thorough description of the very beautiful distillery but we never did provide comments on the actual whiskies it produces now did we? Well today’s whisky review is on the Kavalan Concertmaster, one of many King Car Distillery-produced whiskies.

The Concertmaster is the entry level Kavalan whisky- I mean it is the cheapest whisky Kavalan has to offer… but it is not cheap at all just so you know. It is matured in American Oak and finished in Ruby, Tawny, and Vintage port casks. The malts coming from these different finishes then get blended at the distillery into the Concertmaster.

There is no age statement on the Concertmaster as is the case for all Kavalan whiskies. The distillery only began operation in 2005, it would have been a bit odd to state 3 year-old malts (Kavalan whiskies began selling in 2008). However, just because Kavalan whiskies do not stay in maturation casks as long as most Scotch do, it does not mean that they are not ready for malt fanatics to enjoy. As mentioned in “KAVALAN Whisky Distillery”, Taiwan sits beneath the Tropic of Cancer. Having a much warmer, humid environment, Kavalan whiskies receive more vibrant interactions with the casks, helping the whisky mature much faster than those sitting in the casks in Scotland.

The Revenant

Reviewed by Danny the Demented

Updated Feb 05 2016

JTHE REVENANT Official Trailer 2 (2015)

Don’t you just love it when, at the movies, you get to relax, forget about the stress from the everyday life, and be in somebody else’s shoes for just a brief moment? These tiny breathers the moving pictures provide can be such pick-me-ups. People go to the movies to escape from reality so they can continue to bear reality. Stress-relief is vital on this journey we call life.

So......yeah this movie does none of that. It’s like, super gruesome. I am like, so serious. If you are short on stress in your stock, look no further, this movie supplies plenty.

Inspired by a true story (amazingly), The Revenant is the new film by acclaimed director Alejandro Iñárritu. It tells the story of a badly injured hunter/scout Glass (Leo DiCaprio), finding strength and courage under extreme circumstances, to his road of revenge on those who left him for dead, betrayed vows and honour, namely Fitzgerald (Tom Hardy). This is a tale of both survival and revenge. So yeah...some heavy shit.

Johnnie Walker Gold Label Reserve (約翰走路金牌珍藏)

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 2 Feb 2016

由蘇格蘭生產的威士忌中，有九成是調和式威士忌；而其中全球銷量最好的莫過於大家熟悉的約翰走路（Johnnie Walker）了。今天要跟大家分享的威士忌就是屬於該系列，也可說是主宰威士忌世界的霸主級酒款之一： 「約翰走路金牌珍藏」（Johnnie Walker Gold Label Reserve）。

金標的約翰走路的調和比例其實是來自於公司創辦者約翰沃克（John “Johnnie” Walker）的孫子亞歷山大二世之筆記；這是亞歷山大二世為了紀念約翰走路創業百年而特地調和出來的味道。這個味道包含了15種不同的單一純麥，但在第一次世界大戰期間，某幾種酒源短缺，所以始終無法正式推出。所幸，後人於1997年依照亞歷山大二世所留下來的調和筆記、並以15年~18年以上的單一純麥下去調和，終於推出了「約翰走路金標」。不過，到了2013年，約翰走路改變策略，為這款酒去除了原酒年齡的門檻，而以原酒的製程及味道為主要篩選單一純麥的條件，重新推出了這款Non-Age Statement（不標榜酒齡、而是標榜酒味）的調和式威士忌：約翰走路金牌珍藏。

The New Non-Aged Yoichi (Launched Sept. 2015)

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 26 Jan 2016

The Yoichi single malt series by Nikka Whisky has been one of the most sought-after malts in Japan in 2015. While it had already been a well-revered Japanese whisky, the sudden spike in demand last year was mainly due to the broadcasting of Massan, a popular TV show about the Father of Japanese Whisky- Masataka Taketsuru and his wife Rita Cowan, from September of 2014 to March of 2015. Remember how we mentioned that Taketsuru also contributed albeit indirectly to the creation of Mars? This sudden surge in demand causes the the depletion of certain malt reserves within the distillery thus the discontinuation of the old Yoichi single malts the world had known until to 2015 autumn. Now the new Yoichi is a single malt under the same brand name with apparently different content than what was before September of 2015. This review is of this new version of non-aged Yoichi Single Malt.

The Yoichi distillery is the most northern whisky distillery in Japan. It is the first distillery Taketsuru founded upon his return from Scotland, also making it the first distillery of Nikka whisky. The vision he held is to create in Japan a whisky that is truly Scottish. To do that, he chose a location in Japan that most resembles the Scottish highland. Taketsuru found such a place in Yoichi, Hokkaido in northern Japan. The distillery is located at 1,500 sea level, in an area that is covered in snow during the winter and where the snow melts in the spring. Taketsuru also chose the location of his distillery to be close to a water source that is enjoyed by Ayu fish and salmon. More importantly, Yoichi allows the distillery access to coal and peat, essential to the smoky flavor Taketsuru wanted in his “True Scotch Whisky”.

Ardbeg Ten Years Old (阿貝十年)

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 19 Jan 2016

Since in the whisky section of this blog we want to share Eastern Whiskies with people in the West, and Western Whiskies with people of the Far East, this review of an Islay single malt will be written in Mandarin for the people of Taiwan to use as reference. This is also the first non-English post in this blog, here it goes...

Ardbeg Ten Years Old, 也就是「阿貝十年」，號稱是世界上最有泥煤味、最富煙燻味的一支威士忌。這支酒來自蘇格蘭的艾雷島產區，蒸餾廠位於島的東南海岸，而這座蒸餾廠的參觀評價也相當的高。此酒廠於西元1798年即開始產酒，曾於1981年一度面臨停廠的命運，後來得到金主支援得以重新開業。現在酒廠則隸屬格蘭傑集團，也因此間接被納入路易威登集團旗下。回到酒本身吧，因為Ardbeg的酒精濃度高達46%而且並沒有經過冷過濾的程序，所以蒸餾廠認為，這款酒可說是完全保留住單一純麥所應該有的最原始、最完整的味道與層次。

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Jan 12 2015

Since the glory days dated way back between 1977~1983 with the much revered original trilogy (A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi) , the Star Wars franchise got hauled over the coals, fairly or unfairly, after the release of the notorious prequel trilogy between 1999~2005 (Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith). Now, 30+ years later, George Lucas’ space opera is re-introduced by J.J. Abrams of the Lost/Star Trek-reboot fame. Finally it is here, the 7th film in the Star Wars saga: The Force Awakens (2015).

To avoid spoiling anything for you, my royal reader of none, I will refrain from writing about the synopsis like I always do. But this review WILL contain spoilers, so proceed with caution. Basically tread forward like the Night-fox did when he stole the egg in Ocean’s 12. Remember the laser-field? Ahh forget it you youngsters, remember nothing.  

To review this movie turned out to be much more complex than I originally thought it’d be. We must separate Star Wars the cultural phenomenon and Star Wars the 7th movie to properly evaluate each’s significance. Unnecessary to do so you say? This is why I am the pretentious self-proclaimed movie critic and you are not.

Mars Iwai Tradition Blended Whisky

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 05 Jan 2016

Mars Iwai Tradition Blended Whisky 720ml 40% is a Japanese blended Whiskey. The blend comes from both malt and grain, and it is distilled at Japan’s highest distillery, located in a mountain range of Nagano, at 798 meters.The Mars distillery was originally founded in Kagoshima before it moved to Nagano.

This blend is named after Kiichiro Iwai. He is a mentor of Masataka Taketsuru. As a 14 year senior graduated from the same technical school, Iwai brought Taketsuru into the same brewery, then became his mentor in the company. Along with others in management, Iwai sent Taketsuru to Scotland to learn the art of whisky-making. As the first Japanese to learn the art, Taketsuru returned to Japan and presented a whisky-making report- the Taketsuru Notes- to Iwai. Taketsuru later went on to found Nikka Whisky, and then created Suntory Whisky. Years after that Iwai founded Mars Shinshu distillery with Taketsuru’s notes. As the mentor of The Father of Japanese Whisky, Iwai is referred to by some as The Silent Pioneer of Japanese Whisky.

KAVALAN Whisky Distillery

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 01 Jan 2016



How appropriate it is for us to begin a new section here for the Ruey Review on the first day of a brand new year. While Ruey is no expert in Spirits, and is alcohol intolerant, he is nevertheless fascinated by the history, the making, and the tastes of whiskies. We wish to share with you our joy in exploring this popular subject and will start this journey with a visit to the most well-known whisky distillery in Taiwan, which produces the famous Kavalan whisky. 

Kavalan, meaning “flatland”, is the old name for the great plain of Yilan county, northeastern Taiwan. This name not only belongs to the land, but also the aborigines who inhabited in the area, the Kavalan people. Today, the Kavalan name also belongs to the prestigious single malt whisky.

The King Car Distillery that produces Kavalan whisky was named at the San Francisco World Spirits Competition the 2015 distillery of the year.

Rare Exports (2010)

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Dec 29 2015

Holiday season is yet again upon us. Rather than the mainstream Ho-Ho-Ho Santa with a belly full of jelly story, I urge children and adults of all ages to treat themselves to a different look at the man on the sleigh. An unique take on the man behind all the elf-laboured toys, and interestingly, a very applicable example of finding re-employment after involuntary termination (what? yeah what is right). Suffice to say , this is not going to be your ordinary Christmas tale. I, the expert of nothing, present to you: Rare Exports (2010).

Rare Exports is a Finnish film by writer/director Jalmari Helander. A re-telling of an age-old tale: a drilling team funded by a mysterious American scientist/anthropologist (?) started digging at a nearby mountain next to the homes of a group of reindeer herders. After using considerable means to get the “sample” that they wanted, strange events started to happen in the village and caused the herders to suffer significant financial damage. While the herders are convinced that it is the American who is responsible for their financial woes, the son of one of the locals, Pietari, (Onni Tommila ) knew better. A precocious child, Pietari investigates and realizes that their enemy isn’t the American, but a force much more ancient and far more sinister than the world knows it to be.

The Best Offer

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Dec 04 2013

A masterful job of storytelling through the cinematic lens. Unfortunately, the story told really just isn't worthy of such delicate care. Beautiful plate serving a mundane entree, wasted opportunity. 

The Best Offer is the latest work by the Academy Award winning director Giuseppe Tornatore. It tells the story of a well-respected but lonely connoisseur named Virgil Oldman (Geoffrey Rush) who runs an auction house. Though Oldmand is Greatly revered in his field, it is not beneath him to use unethical means to procure master paintings with his partner in crime Billy Whistler (Donald Sutherland). One day he is contacted by a mysterious woman named Claire Ibbetson (Sylvia Hoeks) who wishes to sell her inherited collection of antiques & art works but can't meet Oldman because of her agoraphobia. With the help of a young mechanic (Jim Sturgess), Oldman begins to form a relationship with Claire and his world is subsequently and ruthlessly turned upside-down. 

Iron Man 3

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated May 27 2013

I suppose the streak had to end at some point, and 3 is as good a number to end it as any. Just one more evidence to support the old saying: Two is company and three's a crowd. John Ritter, damn your funny and classic lie! Oh yeah, suffice it to say, the movie was forgettable. But I got to use a three's company reference. Salvation at last.

Iron Man 3 is the third and probably not the last installment of the Marvel superhero cash-cow. Barely surviving the mass alien invasion in New York, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) now suffers from post-traumatic-stress-disorder. Even with the presence of girlfriend/one true love Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), Stark cannot find peace and does nothing all day other than building iron man suits. With new threats looming in: The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) and erratic scientist Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce), Stark must find strength and more importantly, himself, to even have a shot at defeating his arch-nemesis. And he better do it fast, because, after all, Winter is Coming! Oh wait sorry, wrong Stark.

Oh yeah in case you've been living in a cave and have not yet seen Iron Man 3, spoiler alert, because I am going to spill the beans.

Silver Linings Playbook

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Feb 24 2013

In a world filled with junks and crap and collections of gibberish calling themselves movies, the real silver-lining is that works like Silver Linings Playbook still exist, rare though they are. A true gem, this is a movie that inspires with courage, with love, with laughter and with tears. In both the most quirky and yet conventional way, the film gives you hope, which is of course the only silver lining we need in life. 

Silver Linings Playbook is an eccentric love story between Pat (Bradly Cooper), a person with bipolar disorder who was just released from a mental institution for almost beating his wife's lover to death, and Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), a young widow who lost not only her husband but also her job for dealing with her loss in the most inappropriate possible at the workplace. With their emotional baggage, both Pat and Tiffany are constant worries for their families and friends.  How they help each other through every hardship, every turmoil, every breaking point, is the backbone of this amazing tale. A journey filled with unexpected turns, the pot at the end of this rainbow is a treasure of immeasurable joy.  

Skyfall

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Nov 29 2012

6 James Bonds, 23 movies, and 50 years later,  the franchise has evolved into something that resembles very little of Bond. For someone who bought the ticket to see him, it is the first time I hoped evolution is a myth. 

Skyfall, the latest film of the legendary Bond series,  tells the story of a battle of both wits and strength between James Bond (Daniel Craig)  and a former MI6 agent turned super villain named Raoul Silva  (Javier Bardem). The film begins with Bond and another filed agent called Eve Moneypenny (Naomie Harris) chasing an assassin who has stolen a disc containing vital information. During the chaos Moneypenny shoots Bond by mistake and the film would've ended right then and there BUT WAIT! Bond survives the shot and is now on the quest of finding out who the mastermind is behind the disc heist. Emerges Silva, the former operative of MI6 seeking revenge after being abandoned in a mission-gone-wrong by M (Judi Dench), the head of MI6. With great intellect and a ruthless will, Silva pushes both M and Bond to the brink and the survival of Britain's Secret Intelligence Service is threatened like never before. Your garden-variety doomsday scenario, fun fun. 

The problem with Skyfall isn't about the quality of the film. Sure the chase sequence is not on par with the Bourne franchise (what is?) ,  the plot is no more exciting than Haywire, and Judi Dench's M is even less interesting than Jeffrey Tambor's Tom Manning (Hellboy 2004). But all in all the film still works as an action thriller. The structure of the story is sound, several shots are breathtakingly beautiful (the building nightlight fight between Bond and the French assassin in particular, poetry without words that was), and the direction of Sam Mendes holds everything afloat. Also, having Javier Bardem playing your villain is almost like cheating, the man is that good.

So what went wrong? the answer to that riddle lies in the essence of the movie. Skyfall, while an above-average action film, really isn't a James Bond film. In the most classic Bond movies, the franchise indulged the audiences with cool cars, fancy tux, beautiful women (plural), smooth dialogues, and mysterious characters. These elements may not be necessities in most movies, but they are unquestionably vital to any Bond movie. James Bond is supposed to be cool, he is supposed to be graceful, he is supposed to drive cars that make you go daaammmmmmmmn, date women you'd never dream of approaching and speak in ways that make people want to remove their pants, regardless of their gender.  Almost none of these were met. The Skyfall Bond is less interesting than the antagonist Silva, much less. When Bond speaks it's usually reactionary which makes his words less charismatic. He did not get to drive any cool vehicles (save for a super vintage Aston Martin) nor did he get to use any interesting gadgets (save for a palm-print handgun). His only real "love-interest" was Severine (Berenice Marlohe) and she holds as much intrigue as a glass of water does to the Honey Boo Boo child (or common sense does to Ann Coulter). Above all, Bond felt more like a supporting character to M, as Silva cares only about M, not at all Bond. When the villain doesn't give 2 hoots about Bond, why should the audience? If James Bond isn't the driving force of the film, then why should I pay to see a James Bond movie? The franchise is selling you a character, not a story.  And in the absence of the character, the movie inevitably fails. 

A fine action movie but not a Bond movie.  Perhaps the biggest crime was that Bond didn't get to be Bond, and that was one threat not even James Bond could've rescued us from. My name is Danny and I endorse this message.

Premium Rush

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Aug 27 2012

Just like anyone who enjoys living, I hate bikers. And to think bicycle messenger is a legitimate profession? My gosh, if that is not the first sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is. GOOOOOSH DARN IT I hate bikers, I mean, seriously, you are a danger to pedestrians, cars, yourself, and most importantly, ME! .........the movie's ok though. Ooooh a twist, bet you didn't see that coming did ya you silly rabbit, trix are for kids. 

Premium Rush, along with its cheesy name, tells the very cheesy story of a mother Nima (Jamie Chung) trying to save her son but in doing so has to fight off a corrupted cop named Bobby Monday (Michael Shannon) who is in some serious gambling debt. Nima enlists the help of two bike messengers Wilee (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Vanessa (Dania Ramirez) who just happened to be a couple fighting so naturally they have to solve their relationship problem while fighting off the evil cop, all at the same time. A plausible premise? Not if you treasure logic and common sense like the rest of us normal folks. 

I often wondered why directors/actors/producers make movie of this caliber. It is clear that you won't win any awards and the gross number won't be anywhere near impressive. Best case scenario is that the film gains marginal acclaims and makes enough profit to avoid a loss, but seriously, what'd be the point? Is it really worth all the trouble of months and months of production efforts just to beat mediocrity all the while knowing you'd never achieve greatness with it? This type of film falls in the no man's land of movies. It isn't good enough to wow, but it isn't bad enough to piss you off either. It has a clear commercial objective but it is neither innovative (Star Trek 2009) or crappy-but-proven-formula worthy (Anything Adam Sandler has done after 2000 except for Punch Drunk Love) to make any serious dough (dough here means money, for my street-cred-lacking readers, you are welcome). What's even more perplexing is that it is CLEAR the director David Koepp and his casts know exactly what they have to work with and decided to make it anyway. Life is full of mysteries evidently. 

The Bourne Legacy

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Aug 24 2012

So evidently there's still milk in the Bourne franchise's teet, and I am glad they invited me to suck it with them. Yeah that sounded wrong, let's move on.

The fourth and latest installment of the Bourne series, "The Bourne Legacy" tells the story of not Jason Bourne (Matt Damon), but a new protagonist named Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner). Just like Bourne, Cross is a trained government "asset" (or operative, or assassin, or I-can-kill-you-with-my-nose-hair bad ass), but unlike Bourne, Cross is not from Operation Treadstone, but another program called Operation Outcome. After the Bourne story is brought to the public's eyes by Pamela Landy (Joan Allen), Eric Byer (Edward Norton), a high level intelligence director-type, decides to wipe out every Outcome agents to prevent the project from seeing the light of day. Byer managed to wipe out everyone related to Outcome, all except for Cross and a scientist named Marta (Rachel Weisz) who was involved with Outcome's medication development. Now on the run and out of meds that enhance Outcome agents' physical strength and intelligence, Cross must find a way to save Marta, survive from the relentless chase from Byer and his goons, and most importantly, remain Aaron Cross at all costs. 

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated Aug 06 2012

Do you know why we do not have topless women walking about at all times, awesome though it may be? Because that would be logically incomprehensible. Logic is our friend, it keeps the world from falling apart (It and George Clooney). In Mulholland Drive, logic was ran over, backed up and ran over again, and then finally abandoned by the side of the road and what was left for the audience is one of the most irritating film I've ever seen. Which of course explains why on the right hand side of this retro reel review you don't see the usual picture of a DVD because, gladly, I don't own this piece of... work. 

How can I possibly do a plot overview for this time waster? No one can, not even if you bring me everyone (Yeah I know that joke doesn't work but I love Oldman! the actor, not actual old man...this joke does work incidentally). Nothing makes sense in this movie. Every plot line, every subplot lines, every relationships, every actions, every reactions, every smile, every stare, every set and every one involved ultimately do not matter because nothing is connected to anything. What is perhaps the most frustrating thing about this film is that it actually managed to disguise its "nonsense"ness well enough for about 2/3 of the whole movie. Only at the end does the film reveals its true nature: a pile of scenes and dialogues that served no purpose, none whatsoever. When the end credit start rolling, you the audience will immediately realize that everything you've just seen made absolutely no sense at all. What director David Lynch did was that he made hints along the way implying that the audience will have an explanation in the end. In fact the entire film is constructed in this fashion: using Naomi Watts and Laura Harring to play two roles each so you'd think the characters are connected to each other in some mysterious and fascinating manner because they are played by the same person, cutting scenes in a way that you'd see the same person from a previous plot showing up in a later story so the two parts seemed to relate to each other, and placing an irreverent but consistent character in different settings to string the many different bits together so they seem to be in the same storyline. It is a solid buildup, only the prophet turned out to be false and the buildup was to a vast galaxy of nothingness where sense goes to die.