Iron Man 3

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated May 27 2013

I suppose the streak had to end at some point, and 3 is as good a number to end it as any. Just one more evidence to support the old saying: Two is company and three's a crowd. John Ritter, damn your funny and classic lie! Oh yeah, suffice it to say, the movie was forgettable. But I got to use a three's company reference. Salvation at last.

Iron Man 3 is the third and probably not the last installment of the Marvel superhero cash-cow. Barely surviving the mass alien invasion in New York, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) now suffers from post-traumatic-stress-disorder. Even with the presence of girlfriend/one true love Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), Stark cannot find peace and does nothing all day other than building iron man suits. With new threats looming in: The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) and erratic scientist Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce), Stark must find strength and more importantly, himself, to even have a shot at defeating his arch-nemesis. And he better do it fast, because, after all, Winter is Coming! Oh wait sorry, wrong Stark.

Oh yeah in case you've been living in a cave and have not yet seen Iron Man 3, spoiler alert, because I am going to spill the beans.

Really a wasted effort, Iron Man 3 not only failed to live up to the expectation of the masses (the masses of one, moi), but it killed off an intriguing plot-line with an incredible potential in its womb. The Mandarin is arguably one of the most fascinating enemy of the Iron Man series. Supposedly Stark's arch-enemy, you'd think the studio would at least attempt to explore the possibility of an onscreen conflict between Tony Stark and his most feared foe. The Mandarin's ability (ten rings with powers, don't know what I'm talking about? yeah there's this thing called Google) is also coincidentally perfect for the big-screen. Ten rings with different powers?? A special effect team's ultimate fantasy. Spare me the "too unrealistic" argument. "Ohh the way Iron Man 3 portrayed The Mandarin was more believable and plausible", "woo Iron Man 3 is more of a character driven flick, special effects be damned!". People please, they've already introduced ALIENS and GODS in both the Avengers & Thor, you mean to tell me a villain with ten superpower ring is so inconceivable that it was right for the writers to dumb him down to a 3rd rate con-man with a drug problem? Give me a break.

And let's not forget that you've got BEN FREAKING KINGSLEY to play the role. My god what a ridiculous waste of talent. Kingsley is one of the few actors who can play multiple types of character with credibility (see Gandhi, Schindler's List, Sexy Beast). He could've and should've been given the chance to make the Mandarin menacing, not clownish. Can you imagine if Kingsley combine the ferocity of Logan and the sincerity of Itzhak Stern to create a villain with superpowers?? I shiver at the mere thought of such awesomeness. Alas, regrets.

And by the by Sir Kingsley, The Love Guru, The Dictator, and now a clown in Iron Man 3, seriously? I mean, seriously, SERIOUSLY???? WTF. Hire me as your manager, now, right now. I am so serious. Like Al Gore. 

Usually I don't mind holes in plots for big-budget action flicks , but the ones in Iron Man 3 are so glaring they border-lined comical. The events in the film happened AFTER New York, so why wasn't SHIELD called to help? Where was the Hulk? Captain America? The Black Widow? Hawk Eye? Thor? How much sense does this make? I suspect with each hero getting their own movie coming out in the next few years, the explanation would be that everyone was busy with other foes parallel to the Iron Man story arc. Fine, but no communications at all? no calls? no emails? What is this the Flintstones? Doesn't Tony Stark own like a billion high-tech jumbo mumbles? And this is a problem to no one but me? really??

Urgh... it bothers me so the irrationality of it all. I am not even going to bring up the absurdity of Pepper Potts becoming an martial arts expert just by the injection of the super juice, or Rebecca Hall's sudden regaining of conscience after a 5 second  speech from Stark. The sad fact is that Iron Man 3 missed the mark greatly and the problem lies with the script. It is a nice thought to aim for a more human-drama based direction (like what Nolan did for the Dark Knight series). But not only did they do a poor job with the writing, the team scarified most of the entertainment value built up from Iron Man 1 & 2. Is this why Jon Favreau relinquished his director seat ? Because he knew better? Maybe. The studio built an identity for the franchise with 1 & 2, and decided to be something else with 3. The route was changed, and sadly they made the wrong turn and the series fell off a cliff and into a pit of crap. Can I paint an image or what.

Truth be told, I was more or less being hyperbolic but that doesn't make me wrong.  The fact that this movie is well-reviewed bugs me so much that it made the movie worse than it actually was. An admirable attempt but an uninspiring result, I can only hope the stink doesn't carry over to the inevitable Avengers 2. My name is Danny and I endorse this message.