Cambridge May Balls: Trinity vs. John's

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 17 July 2012

"May Week is the name used within the University of Cambridge to refer to a period at the end of the academic year. Originally May Week took place in the week during May before year-end exams began. Today, May Week takes place in June. The end of exams is a cause for heavy celebration amongst the students of the University. Highlights of the week include May Balls, June Events and garden parties. A May Ball is a ball at the end of the academic year that happens at any one of the colleges of the University of Cambridge."

-Wikipedia-

St. John's New Court all Lit-up, very Pretty

As it is the Ruey man’s one and only year in Cambridge, he decided to go big in this one and only year. This year I bought tickets to two of the world-famous Cambridge May Balls; held by Trinity College and St. John’s College. The two rivalry colleges are the richest colleges in Cambridge and their May Balls are often said to be the most extravagant and they often compete with each other in the organizations of their May Balls. As a part of this competition, the two colleges usually hold their May Balls on successive evenings. Therefore, attending both colleges’ balls made May Week 2012 very tiring indeed for me. Each ball can cost from  £145 first hand (college members only) up to more than £300 second hand. Today, the Ruey Review will provide a comparative review for both balls in hopes of helping you decide which one of the over-the-top bourgeois party you may attend in case you want to experience just ONE of the two most well-renowned Cambridge May Ball in the future. (Other May Balls and June Events are great to attend as well but I ain’t got the time and energy to go to all of them in one year. Also, it is physically impossible as some colleges have events on the same nights)

Fireworks at the 2012 Trinity May Ball

Fireworks is one of the biggest draws for the May Balls at Trinity and St. John’s. The fireworks at both colleges were amazing. They were both choreographed with music. It still boggles my mind to this day how University-affiliated colleges like the mentioned two go to such lengths to arrange firework shows that are more extravagant and elegant than the ones put on on national days in most countries around the world. So, the two colleges are quite competitive over the issue of who has the better fireworks each year. Apparently St. John’s college, usually having its May Ball the day after Trinity’s , holds money in reserve each year to “up” Trinity upon observing the Trinity fireworks the previous night. Therefore, the conventional understanding is that John’s has better fireworks than Trinity. Personally, this year I thought it was a tie. I think it is true that John’s fireworks is more EPIC, but that does not make Trinity fireworks any less impressive in terms of extravagance and elegance. In the Trinity May Ball you do get a much better view of the fireworks as you can watch on one side of the river while the fireworks shoot up into the sky on the other, at very close range. Whereas in John’s you just get to watch a very impressive show on a large field without the River Cam being a part of the experience. At Trinity you can see the plebs who are not in the actual ball sitting in their punts on the River Cam looking up into the sky wishing that they can one day watch the fireworks on land. Moreover, Trinity had flamethrowers which were big pluses. I personally enjoyed the Trinity May Ball fireworks better because of the venue, but I do recognize that John’s fireworks was much bigger and Michael Bayer. So I say the fireworks showdown was a tie.

Queue for Food at St. John's

In terms of food selection at the ball, Trinity has a decisive victory over John’s. At Trinity you get oysters, truffles, nice champagne, great-tasting crepe. At John’s I only remember having bad kebab and mediocre steak and frites. Trinity definitely had more food selection and the quality was much more bourgeois, which is what balls are all about, right? In foods Trinity gets a clear win.

Musical Performances at Trinity

The musical concerts at both colleges were great. The main act at Trinity was the Vengaboys and at John’s was Magnetic Man. The cowboy and the sailor in Vengaboys made my night incredibly gay (happy) with their gayish gayness (cheerful homosexuality). The dub stepp'n by Magnetic Man made me feel incredibly gangster. I do think John’s has a better venue even though the concert stage at Trinity was much better-looking. Because of the way the Trinity concert stage was shaped, you cannot see much if you go to the sides. While at John’s you can go to the sides where there are less people and still get a perfect view of the band. I had much more fun at the John’s concert but because Vengaboys is much more internationally known I call this battle a tie. In some ways both colleges were losers anyways because Sidney Sussex College managed to get Kelis to perform at its May Ball. Regardless of the fun I had, Vengaboys and Magnetic Man cannot top Kelis, she’s got the milkshake.

Food Tent at Trinity, with Music of course

In terms of the contents of the variety of tents, one can definitely tell that each college focuses on different things. Trinity had more interesting, high quality “shows” for people to enjoy. There was even one tent where Burlesque shows were performed!! Yes, Burlesque. John’s had a comedy tent which I thought was not a great idea for a Ball. When you are at a Cambridge May Ball, you want to walk around, and see many things. Therefore I feel that it is more appropriate to have shows that are more visual and musical. Comedy stand-ups and sketches require focused attention, which is something that can be burdensome at a May Ball. Although it is important to note that I was a lot more drunk at the St John’s May Ball and therefore did not get to see all the tents present at the ball. I would give Trinity the win on the contents in the tents. Most tents at Trinity were more nicely decorated, with performances of more visually and musically impressive shows. John’s had fun tents with photo booths, massages, casinos and so on, however, the Trinity ones were much more impressive in the end. 

Bumper Carts, NOT "Dodge'em", at John's

It is important to note that at both balls there were bumper carts! Yes, bumper carts, on college grounds. This is how over-the-top these Cambridge May Balls are. In the U.K. they call it “Dodge’em” though, which makes absolutely no sense. In the arena you try to bump other cars and f*ck them up. You don’t “dodge’em”. The name is just so incredibly British. Both bumper carts were great at both colleges, both with very appropriate speed, and appropriate duration for each round of play. However, in terms of silly fun stuff like this... if I had to pick a winner, I would pick John’s. Because while both colleges had great bumper carts, John’s also had a giant inflatable slide for people to climb and slide down. Whoo~ hoo~~ yes. It was a lot of fun, don’t judge me. 

Trinity College's Nevile's Court

It is almost cliche in Cambridge to say, in comparing the May Balls of Trinity and St. John’s college, that Trinity is a ball and John’s is a party. I heard this before attending the balls from undergraduate students of both colleges, and this was true. The Trinity May Ball was very classy, bourgeois, and impressive; whereas John’s was also impressive but it had more of a “let’s have fun” atmosphere than the “let’s hold champagne and suck on oysters while we enjoy our time at this delightful event”. Having said this, this cliche is exactly the reason why I recommend you to go to the Trinity May Ball instead of the John’s one if you are going to only one for a Cambridge May Ball experience. This is because you can have a crazy fun party in any setting, but to experience a proper May Ball at Cambridge, you want to go somewhere as bourgeois, as over-the-top European upper-class, and as pretentious as possible. These are all something you will experience to the fullest at the Trinity May Ball. Trinity will not fail to impress you and blow your mind away. (My mind was truly blown away by the scale at which this college ball at a collegiate university was thrown) Although the St. John’s college May Ball was no less impressive, it was in the end, a ball that was dubbed a “party”, and if you came to a ball, you ball, don’t party!