Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated July 30 2012

The start of it all, the ultimate comedy, the original of the originals. These are the only descriptions worthy for arguably the funniest movie ever made."Monty Python and the Holy Grail" is the triumph, the victory, or perhaps more fittingly, the holy grail that every comedians should aim to achieve. 

Written, directed, and performed by the legendary British comedy group Monthy Python, the film follows King Arthur and his knights of the round table on their quest to seek the holiest of grails. On the journey the band of warriors encounters a castle full of desperate women, faces off with a group of French soldiers who must have majored in the art of taunting back in college, assaulted a wedding and subsequently killing almost everyone, burned a witch, met an enchanter named Tim, and battled a beast so foul and so cruel it will leave you in tears with nasty, pointy teeth. The tale is as old as time, but the telling of the story, even 37 years later, is still as fresh as mentos. Unbelievably funny, this film is the embodiment of everything that makes us laugh and giggle. Sure we never did get to see the round table itself or Camelot for that matter(just as well, it is a silly place; see if you saw this movie already you'd get the joke), and much of the movie doesn't make sense logically. But director Terry Gilliam and the geniuses in Monty Python managed to turn a bunch of nonsense into something that is bizarrely sensible in this ridiculous world they created. When Sir Lancelot (John Cleese) stormed a castle by himself, you don't feel absurd but rather assured. When King Arthur battled the black knight, you don't see irrationalities but comedic probabilities. When Sir Bedevere (Terry Jones) educated a mob on witches, you don't feel cheated but you are almost led into believing that what he said really is how you identify a witch...the list goes on and on. A genuine masterpiece, this film is a must see if you love comedy.

I've limited the movie clips to only one in this review because I don't want to ruin the experience for you. But oh kids there are so many things I wanted to show you (the holy hand grenade, the knights who say "Ni!", the historian and the riding knight, the bridge of death, the relentless Black Knight....). There will be plenty more Michael Bay explosion extravaganzas before the world see another magnum opus like Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Go rent it, borrow it, or beg for it if you have to, this one is a must see. Definitely rated as awesome, your world will be brighten within 1 min into the film. Oh and children, just wait till you see their horses, just you wait. My name is Danny and I endorse this message. 

The Dark Knight Rises

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated July 23 2012

No movie is perfect, but this one is pretty darn close. The Dark Knight Rises  is the best movie of the year thus far and I do not expect its status to be challenged anytime soon. 

This third and final installment of director Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy picks up 8 years since where the second movie left off: after the death of Harvey "Two Face" Dent and Rachel Dawes, Bruce Wayne aka Batman (Christian Bale) went into retirement as Gotham City is now a peaceful and organized crime-free sanctuary... or so it would seem. A new threat named Bane (Tom Hardy), a former member of the League of Shadows so extreme in his thinking that even the league's former master Ra's al Ghul (Liam Neeson) felt necessary to cast him out. Armed with an army of undyingly royal followers and an unshakable belief inherited from the fallen league leader, Bane arrives at Gotham aiming to take everything down and will stop at nothing to achieve this goal. Despite the heartfelt urging from Alfred (Michael Caine) to stay away, Bruce decides to put on his mask and become the crusader once again to save his beloved city. Along the way he encounters a cat burglar Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway), meets up with his trusted friend Fox (Morgan Freeman), helps an old ally Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman), sees the future for Gotham in John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and embraces a new love interest in Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard). Making a last stand against an enemy of unprecedented strength and cunning, the batman pushes all his chips forward in this final showdown. If that didn't give you goosebumps, then you are the tin man without a heart.

Feeling Old in a Club

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 20 July 2012

Cindies, the notoriously trashy club in Cambridge

Last week a very good friend from my undergrad and banking days came to visit me in Cambridge. He was a very shy guy in university but then he later became a club-dwelling party-animal, some may even call him a “club-rat”. Anyways, he was very very excited about the notion of heading to a night club even in a medieval town like Cambridge so I took him out to a trashy night club famous for its unpleasant smell and skanky, classless under-aged girls. The club is called “Cindies”. However, from this point the ridiculing of this crass lame excuse for a night out shall stop as any further comments can be interpreted as insults on my dear friend considering the amount of fun and excitement he had on that night.

This story is about me feeling incredibly old at a night club filled with young trashy girls. I am sure many guys my age, or even many older than me would be excited about the idea of heading to a club full of extremely young girls in skimpy outfits. However I am not one of them. Young trashy girls, or even young girls for that matter, just don't arouse me the way a sheep can arouse a male Kiwi.

Putting the issue of the quality of females aside, I am at the age where I realized the reality of a club NOT being a good place FOR ME to meet women. I envy the people enjoy meeting members of the opposite sex but I am not one of them. This is because I can never hear what anyone is saying with the music so loud. Also, because I simply lack what many people refer to as... "game". Even when I encounter females who try to pick me up (Yes, even I can attract women, clubs do tend to lack lighting ok?), I feel very intimidated. After all, they are strangers in the dark.

The one thing that made me feel very out-of-place and extremely old was the MUSIC. I realized after a while that I recognized only 20% of the songs played in the club. Moreover, these 20% that I recognized I didn't even know their titles and artists. I had only heard those songs from the previous nights out, which I do perhaps once every one or two months. I cannot even tell you which songs I heard because I really don't know them.

So, that was my grumpy old man's rant on a club that youngsters go to. There are people who can continue enjoy clubbing going into their 30's. Unfortunately I am not one of them. I am too old to be anticipating "getting lucky" at a night club and too old to be recognizing what music is "in" these days. Yes, I'm a hater and I'm old and grumpy, bite me.

Cambridge May Balls: Trinity vs. John's

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 17 July 2012

"May Week is the name used within the University of Cambridge to refer to a period at the end of the academic year. Originally May Week took place in the week during May before year-end exams began. Today, May Week takes place in June. The end of exams is a cause for heavy celebration amongst the students of the University. Highlights of the week include May Balls, June Events and garden parties. A May Ball is a ball at the end of the academic year that happens at any one of the colleges of the University of Cambridge."

-Wikipedia-

St. John's New Court all Lit-up, very Pretty

As it is the Ruey man’s one and only year in Cambridge, he decided to go big in this one and only year. This year I bought tickets to two of the world-famous Cambridge May Balls; held by Trinity College and St. John’s College. The two rivalry colleges are the richest colleges in Cambridge and their May Balls are often said to be the most extravagant and they often compete with each other in the organizations of their May Balls. As a part of this competition, the two colleges usually hold their May Balls on successive evenings. Therefore, attending both colleges’ balls made May Week 2012 very tiring indeed for me. Each ball can cost from  £145 first hand (college members only) up to more than £300 second hand. Today, the Ruey Review will provide a comparative review for both balls in hopes of helping you decide which one of the over-the-top bourgeois party you may attend in case you want to experience just ONE of the two most well-renowned Cambridge May Ball in the future. (Other May Balls and June Events are great to attend as well but I ain’t got the time and energy to go to all of them in one year. Also, it is physically impossible as some colleges have events on the same nights)

Fireworks at the 2012 Trinity May Ball

Fireworks is one of the biggest draws for the May Balls at Trinity and St. John’s. The fireworks at both colleges were amazing. They were both choreographed with music. It still boggles my mind to this day how University-affiliated colleges like the mentioned two go to such lengths to arrange firework shows that are more extravagant and elegant than the ones put on on national days in most countries around the world. So, the two colleges are quite competitive over the issue of who has the better fireworks each year. Apparently St. John’s college, usually having its May Ball the day after Trinity’s , holds money in reserve each year to “up” Trinity upon observing the Trinity fireworks the previous night. Therefore, the conventional understanding is that John’s has better fireworks than Trinity. Personally, this year I thought it was a tie. I think it is true that John’s fireworks is more EPIC, but that does not make Trinity fireworks any less impressive in terms of extravagance and elegance. In the Trinity May Ball you do get a much better view of the fireworks as you can watch on one side of the river while the fireworks shoot up into the sky on the other, at very close range. Whereas in John’s you just get to watch a very impressive show on a large field without the River Cam being a part of the experience. At Trinity you can see the plebs who are not in the actual ball sitting in their punts on the River Cam looking up into the sky wishing that they can one day watch the fireworks on land. Moreover, Trinity had flamethrowers which were big pluses. I personally enjoyed the Trinity May Ball fireworks better because of the venue, but I do recognize that John’s fireworks was much bigger and Michael Bayer. So I say the fireworks showdown was a tie.

Queue for Food at St. John's

In terms of food selection at the ball, Trinity has a decisive victory over John’s. At Trinity you get oysters, truffles, nice champagne, great-tasting crepe. At John’s I only remember having bad kebab and mediocre steak and frites. Trinity definitely had more food selection and the quality was much more bourgeois, which is what balls are all about, right? In foods Trinity gets a clear win.

Musical Performances at Trinity

The musical concerts at both colleges were great. The main act at Trinity was the Vengaboys and at John’s was Magnetic Man. The cowboy and the sailor in Vengaboys made my night incredibly gay (happy) with their gayish gayness (cheerful homosexuality). The dub stepp'n by Magnetic Man made me feel incredibly gangster. I do think John’s has a better venue even though the concert stage at Trinity was much better-looking. Because of the way the Trinity concert stage was shaped, you cannot see much if you go to the sides. While at John’s you can go to the sides where there are less people and still get a perfect view of the band. I had much more fun at the John’s concert but because Vengaboys is much more internationally known I call this battle a tie. In some ways both colleges were losers anyways because Sidney Sussex College managed to get Kelis to perform at its May Ball. Regardless of the fun I had, Vengaboys and Magnetic Man cannot top Kelis, she’s got the milkshake.

Food Tent at Trinity, with Music of course

In terms of the contents of the variety of tents, one can definitely tell that each college focuses on different things. Trinity had more interesting, high quality “shows” for people to enjoy. There was even one tent where Burlesque shows were performed!! Yes, Burlesque. John’s had a comedy tent which I thought was not a great idea for a Ball. When you are at a Cambridge May Ball, you want to walk around, and see many things. Therefore I feel that it is more appropriate to have shows that are more visual and musical. Comedy stand-ups and sketches require focused attention, which is something that can be burdensome at a May Ball. Although it is important to note that I was a lot more drunk at the St John’s May Ball and therefore did not get to see all the tents present at the ball. I would give Trinity the win on the contents in the tents. Most tents at Trinity were more nicely decorated, with performances of more visually and musically impressive shows. John’s had fun tents with photo booths, massages, casinos and so on, however, the Trinity ones were much more impressive in the end. 

Bumper Carts, NOT "Dodge'em", at John's

It is important to note that at both balls there were bumper carts! Yes, bumper carts, on college grounds. This is how over-the-top these Cambridge May Balls are. In the U.K. they call it “Dodge’em” though, which makes absolutely no sense. In the arena you try to bump other cars and f*ck them up. You don’t “dodge’em”. The name is just so incredibly British. Both bumper carts were great at both colleges, both with very appropriate speed, and appropriate duration for each round of play. However, in terms of silly fun stuff like this... if I had to pick a winner, I would pick John’s. Because while both colleges had great bumper carts, John’s also had a giant inflatable slide for people to climb and slide down. Whoo~ hoo~~ yes. It was a lot of fun, don’t judge me. 

Trinity College's Nevile's Court

It is almost cliche in Cambridge to say, in comparing the May Balls of Trinity and St. John’s college, that Trinity is a ball and John’s is a party. I heard this before attending the balls from undergraduate students of both colleges, and this was true. The Trinity May Ball was very classy, bourgeois, and impressive; whereas John’s was also impressive but it had more of a “let’s have fun” atmosphere than the “let’s hold champagne and suck on oysters while we enjoy our time at this delightful event”. Having said this, this cliche is exactly the reason why I recommend you to go to the Trinity May Ball instead of the John’s one if you are going to only one for a Cambridge May Ball experience. This is because you can have a crazy fun party in any setting, but to experience a proper May Ball at Cambridge, you want to go somewhere as bourgeois, as over-the-top European upper-class, and as pretentious as possible. These are all something you will experience to the fullest at the Trinity May Ball. Trinity will not fail to impress you and blow your mind away. (My mind was truly blown away by the scale at which this college ball at a collegiate university was thrown) Although the St. John’s college May Ball was no less impressive, it was in the end, a ball that was dubbed a “party”, and if you came to a ball, you ball, don’t party!

This is Spinal Tap (1984)

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated July 15 2012

The mother of all mockumentaries as far as anyone should be concerned, in today's entertainment scene with the unstopping flow of shows like The Office (UK/US), Parks and Recreations, Trailer Park Boys, Modern Family, and Reno 911, it is time the world once again recognize this piece of greatness, that is, Spinal Tap. 

This trailblazer of cinema tells the story of documentary film maker Marty DiBergi's (Rob Reiner, also the director) making of a "rockumenatry" featuring the British heavy metal rock band Spinal Tap, which is led by the trio of David (Michael McKean), Nigel (Christopher Guest), and Derek (Harry Shearer). Neither the film maker nor the band is real, but the film's authenticity is shockingly genuine and the performances are incredibly believable almost to the point of absurdity. The film follows the band during its US tour and we witness it's fall from grace with laughs and giggles all the while forgetting that it is all made-up. The songs were well written, so well written in fact that I would've bought the record believing it to be a real rock album (though one probably would've had a hard time finding it at a record store) had it been available when I saw the movie. The grand achievement of this timeless classic, apart from it's unbelievably hilarious nature, is the fact that it presented its jokes with legitimate emotions and relationships, resulting in us believing in Spinal Tap so much that we cheer for the band to succeed, feel hurt for its failures, and rejoice for its comeback. In other words, we ended up feeling for a fictional band. In today's cinematic world, how many movies can inspire in this fashion? A rare few, if any. Genuine inspiration is impossible to fake, but Reiner managed to very nearly pull it off. To engage your audience, is that not the dream of every film maker and actor?

Ted

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated July 9 2012

Sometime a film maker will commit the crime of putting all the funniest jokes in the trailer to lure audiences, but in doing so he/she forgets that this makes the actual movie meaningless. It's the food equivalent of having pasta without tomato sauce because you ate the tomato earlier for snack and now the pasta sucks. I sure am glad that's not what happened here with "Ted"..........oh wait it totally DID happen with "Ted". F*****************************K. 

"Ted" is Seth MacFarlane's (of the Family Guy and American Dad fame) first none-animated feature film. It tells the story of  how John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg), a Boston native who made a wish when he was young that enabled his teddy bear to come to life, manages to juggle the balance between spending time with his girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) and hanging out with his fully-functioning-like-a-real-boy best friend/teddy bear Ted (Seth MacFarlane). Having one incident too many with Ted: partying, getting stoned, shitting on the floor (oooh yeah), Lori finally decides to force Ted out of their lives. Not being able to cope with parting after 27 years together, Ted and John continues to hang much to Lori's dismay. Then finally shit hits the fan and voila, John finds his life in pieces and is now in desperate need to sort his crap out. Will Ted be able to remain the best friend in John's life, or will Lori's love prevail?.....honestly midway through the movie I didn't really care anymore. All the good jokes and gags were in the trailer already, what's left is nothing but a shell of a film that is supposedly a comedy. A frail vessel of emptiness drifting through the sea of irrelevancy, oh yeah I am a poet and I know it.

Doubt (2008)

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated July 6 2012

Ever wonder what you should do when there's nothing good on at the theater? Go out and exercise? Enjoy nature? Pleeeeeeeease, being healthy is so 90's. Why go outside to be in the nature when one can just look at a painting of nature at the comfort of one's own home? People need to check themselves before they break themselves. And that's my gangster quota of the day. 

So if it isn't hip or rad to go out and be one with mother earth, what should we do for fun and giggles? FEAR NOT! From this week onwards The Ruey Review will solve that pickle for you by introducing our Awesome or Gruesome? Danny's Retro Reel Review Series ! A collection of movies that came out before 2012, movies you should either watch or burn when they are available for rent or purchase. That's right, watch or burn, with no middle-ground. I love hyperbole. 

We are kicking the series off with an "Awesome": "Doubt". So sit down and grab a bucket of chicken wings with a huge side serving of lard and a glass of beer. And enjoy the review, because it is amazing. 

The Dictator

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated July 2 2012

A comedy that lacks class, sense, and most importantly, humor. Pray tell, is there a sadder sight?

"The Dictator" is a comedy about the life of General Hafez Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen), a North African dictator from the Republic of Wadiya. He is evil, self-centered, cruel, silly, and rules his country like a turd sandwich. His uncle Tamir (Ben Kingsley) plots to unseat him by hiring a hitman (John C Reilly) to kill the general during their trip to the US. Of course, the plan failed and now Aladeen needs to find a way to return back to power, win the love of an environmentalist/feminist/activist/grocery store manager named Zoey (Anna Faris), stop some evil oil companies and shit on democracy before it is all too late. Oh and FYI, this plot summary is funnier than the actual film. Booya.

This movie sucked, what more is there to say? The plot is incredibly stupid, the acting from everyone is horrible (sadly that includes you too Sir Kingsley, why on earth did you take this role? You were the sexy beast Logan for crying out loud arrrrrrrrgh! What are you doing to yourself!!) no direction to speak of as the movie moves at a bizarre pace with no noticeable rhythm, and the engine that powers this train-wreck is Sacha Baron Cohen's "sense of humor", which is not really humor at all. What does make this film unique is that this is the first attempt by Cohen to do a scripted comedy. All three of his previous feature films with him as the leading man (Ali G Indahouse, Borat, Brüno) adopted a mocumentary approach, with Cohen in character and going into unscripted situation with non-actors. "The Dictator" took a more traditional comedic route, having written lines with trained actors and sets designed for specific effects. Perhaps due to the lack of experience, the film crashed and burned in disastrous fashion. Mr Cohen, perhaps you should leave comedy alone and go back to doing pranks. That's right, you just got served.