The Cabin in the Woods

Reviewed by Danny the Demented
Updated May 14 2012

A cabin, woods, creepy old gas station attendant, clueless youngsters, sounds like yet another run-of-the-mill slasher movie right? Not quite. This one has a twist, and a sizable one. Oh don’t you tell me size doesn't matter because it DOES. I've been told many times…..too much info?

“The Cabin in the Woods” is a horror film that does not follow the traditional “ooooh look at this abandon house in the forest with no living creature around, seems like the perfect vacation place! We are so young and stupid!” type of storytelling (Have I mentioned I hate young people?). Producer Joss Whedon teamed up with director Drew Goddard (they’ve worked on Buffy & Angel together and Goddard wrote several episodes for Lost, so you know you are in good hands, I am like a walking Wikipedia, for useless knowledge, but I digress) and created a film that contains several stereotypes from many different horror genres, be it dumb characters or idiotic story developments. However, instead of having these stereotypes to get cheap laughs, Whedon and Goddard managed to put these turds into their creative mixer and out comes a film that is fresh, humorous, scary, well-paced, and a delight to watch.

The film starts off rather slow, to be sure, but the wait is well worth it. It opens just like any other slasher film (think the I Know What You Did Last Summer crap, etc) with annoying college students planning a weekend away in a cabin somewhere in the woods. Looming in the background, however, is another story happening in a laboratory somewhere where two government official types named Richard (Richard Jenkins) and Steve (the fantastic Bradley Whitford, check this out) discussing over coffee, an event so important that if they fail, the world would end. How these two storylines intertwined with one another is the reason why this film is a joy to watch, so being as nice a guy as I can be, I will spare you the details like Michael Bay spared us Transformer fans by not screwing that franchise up (wait a tick…….oh yeah he totally screwed us didn’t he, f**k). The climax of the movie really doesn’t happen until maybe 2/3 in, but be patient and don’t leave when you think the story is over, trust me, it ain’t. The climax is as bloody and hilarious as you will ever come across, never have I seen so much blood in such a fall-out-of-my-chair-rolling-on-the-ground-funny fashion. Good things come to those who wait, it’s science)

It’s great that Joss Wheddon is getting more chances to showcase his talent to the masses. Hardly an unknown, Wheddon is nevertheless not as big as he should be internationally. Unless you are a geek (like moi) or is familiar with TV shows (which automatically makes you a geek), there’s an 82% chance that you’ve never heard of his name before the Avengers came out. The Cabin in the Woods is yet another example why he needs to be handed bags of cash to do whatever it is he wants to do. Instead of giving promising projects like TNMT to unworthy directors (COUGH COUGH MICHAEL COUGH BAY COUGH), Hollywood needs to reward talents like Wheddon to keep the consumers happy and satisfied. It’s not an unreasonable request, but reason is a far-fetched notion in show biz.

If you want to be entertained, "The Cabin in the Woods" is the perfect vacation spot for you. When a movie as fun as this is handed to you, you cherish it with care like when you are changing a baby’s diaper. Weird analogy? You bet. My name is Danny and I endorse this message.