European-Living: Underdeveloped and Needs Improvement

Written by Ruey of The Ruey Review
Updated 28 December 2011

Europe is the origin of the Renaissance where mankind took a leap in scientific knowledge. This advancement still plays a large role as a basis for our current understanding of the world. England is the home of the Industrial Revolution which changed the way we produce materials, gain and accumulate wealth, thus improving the living standards of a major global population up to this day. So I came to this continent anticipating a high-quality lifestyle based on advance technology and development.

I found my positive enthusiasm largely misguided. The most important parts of any human being’s life are to eat, drink, sleep, urinate, and defecate. “What goes in must come out”. Thus shitting is just as important as eating. In this article I would like to express my frustration with the lack of utility development in the European shit-taking infrastructures, specifically, the lack of the anus-wash on European toilets.

Fig.2- Very nice toilet from Taiwan,
with proper anus-wash on its side

Fig.1- Nice wash room isn't it?
    nice because the toilet washes your ass.

Back in East Asia, after taking a big soft sticky steamy lump of shit, with anus-wash, I can clean my butt-hole within minutes. All it takes is 5 to 10 seconds of gentle warm water rinsing of the poo-poo hole, which the anus-wash does for you with just a press of the button, and a little hula-hooping exercise with your waist to get all corners of the “daisy” circle cleaned and you’re done. In the United Kingdom, it can take me up to 20 minutes to get the sensitive area cleaned especially when the fecal matters just expelled from my body have a high level of wetness. This is the Twenty-First Century, why in the world do I have to wipe my own ass? The worst thing is, if you wipe too hard, you may injure the sensitive, vulnerable area, and if you clean with laziness, the itch that you’re going to have for the rest of the day will also be unbearable. For the purpose of writing this piece I even found an online health forum where suffering men discuss related anal health issues. I say don’t go to the doctor’s, just buy toilets with anus-wash from either Taiwan or Japan, or move there. I have seen though, some efforts to try and resolve such problems with non-Asian ways in continental Europe as shown in figure.3. However, with this device, which is separate from the actual toilet, you cannot easily control the warmth of the water, you have to move and squat over the thing, and with the direction of the water going forward you’re going to get your balls covered in shit! Why would the Europeans come up with such real-estate consuming solution anyway? Just buy the more advanced and civilized toilets from the Far East I tell you.

Fig.3- Very poor attempt to save their ass holes  by continental Europeans 

Fig.4- Nice bathroom for a  student dormitory?
Nay, it sucks because one needs to wipe
his/her own ass after taking a dump here. 

I say the Europeans must at times drop their pride and accept the fact that they are in some aspects of living inferior to non-European peoples. Adopt the advanced East Asian ways of taking care of their shit after taking a shit. This will both improve the lives of those living in Europe and the visits of those who came to the continent to enjoy other aspects of the European lifestyle and culture.